September 9, 2010

Art Class Bores Me

I often daydream about going back to school and pursuing a fine arts degree. With BFA in hand, maybe, just maybe I'll be a real artist. But then I quickly flashback to days spent studying in the library*, to monotonous coffee mug welding professors, to thousands of perfectly good dollars spent on textbooks**, and to the handful of dull art classes I've experienced in the past and my daydreams quickly fizzle, sputter and die.

Lifted from real live craptacular art class sketch pads.

So what are these 'handful of dull art classes' that have left a foul taste in my mouth? My art instruction track record includes:
1. A summer art program at the local fine arts museum when I was about 7 years old. I remember going to the vending machine to buy candy and that darn machine spit out a Nutrigrain bar instead. A Nutrigrain bar is a POOR substitute for M&Ms. Pretty telling if this is one of the only memories I have of that art class.
2. Elementary art classes...and then the ever more prestigious advanced middle and high school art classes. Here, I encountered my first stool.
3. A drawing class I took up at a local arts league about 2 summers ago. Woohoo. More stools.

I have found that art teachers love, LOVE to pull the same old art tricks out of the same old art lesson hat. To name a few favored drawing subjects:
1. STOOLS. Why!? WHY!? These have to be the most boring items to sketch ever. EVER.
2. Ladders. Great. A really tall stool. Thanks for varying it up.
3. Bowling pins. Especially when the pin is laying on its side with the bowling pin head pointing directly at you. I can't draw that dimension without it looking stupid. I can't!
4. Hands. So, I take it the teacher ran out of ideas, looked down and saw...hands! Lesson done!
5. Other students. I get it. Free models. about...awkward.

Another common art lesson that never made any sense to me: drawing something in one line AND while not looking at your paper. What purpose does this serve?

Needless to say, I have not had the most enticing art class experiences to push me into the BFA direction.***

Plus, there's something fun about not knowing what I'm doing, learning through trial and error, making mistake after mistake after mistake get the point. I find it exciting to scavenge the aisles of the art supply store****, discovering new treasures in the forms of special effect mediums, fancy schmancy inks, and other arty farty doohickeys with no earthly idea why they exist, what they do and whether or not I may blow up my house with my art chemical science experiments.

So in summary: Art credentials? Who needs art credentials?! Not I, I say!*****

Every breath you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you.

*Or holed up in my cell block dorm room. Or imprisoned in my apartment taking Port Charles/Facebook/space staring breaks every 10 minutes.
**Perfectly good dollars that could have gone towards bags, shoes, decent haircuts, beauty products, and kittens...KITTENS GALORE!
***Another reason why I have decided art school is not for me is that, I've actually browsed a few art program curriculum and...let me tell you...they sound like a snoozefest.
****My local art supply store is run by some very cool hipster art peeps. I'm talking Buddy Holly glasses, rainbow colored hair, perfectly mused dreadlocks, tats/ink/whatever they call them cause I'm not cool enough, black attire, Doc Martens, the whole shebang. So I don my black beret and try to be incognito. No, I don't. But I do Pacman my through the aisles obnoxiously oooing and ahhing like an athletic sock/white sneaker clad tourist.
*****I hope this doesn't come back to bite me in my arty farty a$$.


Kristin M. said...

oh my goodness, how i love your blog. i am laughing so hard at your other-student drawing and caption. also, i have your citric acid motto on my desk. yay for art and extreme hilarity (and kittens!)

Lisa Chow said...

Aww, shucks. [blushing] KITTENS GALORE!!!!! =D