I welcomed 2011 by counting down with Dick Clark while spewing graham cracker crumbs from my mouthful of s'mores and oblivious to the dripping chocolate staining my shirt. How did you celebrate?
After clinking some glasses and treating my chocolate puddles*, it was time for the obligatory new year's resolutions. Except, I hadn't thought of any.
Now, there are the expected health resolutions, financial resolutions, relationship resolutions, etc, etc. Those are pretty personal and probably best kept to myself. And because the art resolutions are going to take me a few days to mull over, I shall move onto a more superficial resolution that was inspired by today's t-shirt purchasing trip to American Apparel.
New favorite t-shirt. If only it came with a v-neck and without the stupid catalog pose.
2011 Resolution take one: No more trips to weird ass American Apparel.**
2011 Resolution take two: Do not ever dress like a weird hipster.***
2011 Resolution take three: Do not wear clothing that resembles one of the Golden Girls nor any clothing that is meant to be ironic...or pretty much anything someone who prides himself on knowing the most obscure indie band might wear.****
Today, I found myself at American Apparel in my quest for the perfect, slightly fitted, super soft t-shirt. As soon as I stepped inside and my eyes adjusted to the harsh fluorescent lighting and I was able to survey my surroundings...[cue music...one of these things is not like the other...]...I fought the urge to slowly back pedal my way out of there. But I didn't. The promise of the perfect t-shirt was too great.***** You see...
American Apparel sales people dress weird.
And apparently...and irrefutably...I am getting old.
What? I repeat...WHAT????
I am at the age where I just don't understand what young people are wearing anymore. I am at the age where trendy is no longer desirable and classic is extremely appealing. When looking for clothing, I now desire characteristics that are foreign to those much younger than I...characteristics such as value, quality, figure flatteringness and comfortability.
I used to pride myself on seeking out little known boutiques and unknown designers.
Now, I just want my damn lazy jeans, my soft t-shirts and my ugly Toms.******
**Hm. Possibly offensive.
****Ah, much better. No brand bashing. No stereotyping. Just good old fashioned irrational Judgey McJudgerson.
*****And I do believe I have found my holy grail t-shirt! American Apparel's Tri-Blend Women's Track T! Shop online.
******Despite what you may construe from this post, by no means do I wish to offend young people. I love young people. Some of my favorite people in the world are young people. But unfortunately, some of those young people dress like weird hipsters. I have no qualms with regular hipsters...just the weird ones. And if you happen to be reading this and are a weird hipster...what do you want from me? I already admitted I'm an old loser.