December 15, 2011

If the Art Store was High School

This post will likely make no sense. I am merely procrastinating because I don't feel like drawing or painting or wrapping the mountain of presents I have waiting for me.

If Art Supplies Were High School Stereotypes*

Graphite - Emos. After long sessions laboring over their meticulous and delicate shading, they discover the soft grey dust is now smeared all over their fingertips and clothing. They ponder. Then they cry. Why, cruel world? WHY?!
Pens - Nerds. Can be found heatedly debating the merits of ballpoint versus gel. Can only agree on the necessity of pocket protectors.
Ink/Fountain Pen - Hipsters. Fountain pens are so throwback. And anything throwback is good. Technology be damned.
Markers - Lisa Frank wannabes. Their favorite color is rainbow. Favorite element is glitter. Favorite animal is unicorn. And favorite word...sparklelicious.
Spray Paint - Badass, cool guys. They wear pants slung so low they defy gravity. They inhale each other for a good time. They wear their street painting clothes as a badge of honor. They also live in cardboard boxes. The most badassedly tagged cardboard boxes.
Acrylic - Idiots.
Watercolors - Hippies. Girls named Sunshine and Rain. Boys named Simon and Garfunkel. They love sepia tones and Instagram and anything else wishy-washy-fadey. Ironically, they don't wash their hair.
Crayons - Infants.
Pastels - Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Get off the bus and walk home.
Oil Paints - Cool kids. Everyone wants in but most are intimidated. Also known as the untouchables. Because they cost so damn much.
Colored Pencils - Social climbers. Just a hop and a skip away from any of the other groups. If only they could decide which one, they'd be gellin like Magellan.
And as you can see...I use a little bit of everything. I don't know what that makes me. Oh, but I don't use pastels. You weirdos.

*Disclaimer. These are all merely my own personal observations and opinions...which apparently everyone is entitled there. Please do not feel offended or rejected or angry. I can't help it if you are a loser medium. Go sit in time out and keep eating that paste.
**Disclaimer Part Deux. This is obviously in jest. =D Merry Christmas!